Once I knew that now another party had joined the worlds-wide chase, I darted deeper into the woods, hoping that I would lose at least one pursuer in the bleak darkness. Only after several minutes running did I discover that, not only was Bones still following close behind me, but he was following the smell of cigarette smoke which still lingered on my suit.
"Fuck this," I thought, "I could just impale him with a slender-branch."
I decided against it, though, as, thanks to the internet, everyone would immediately know it was me who killed him as soon as his corpse was discovered. Instead I engendered a better plan: I would hide his hat on a high tree branch, and let him run straight into me, which would ideally send him in a manic fright in the opposite direction.
Suffice it to say, it didn't work.
As soon as he found me, he stabbed me with an old pocket knife and stood on it in an attempt to get his hat back, which, little did he know, was about thirty feet above him.
"I didn't take your hat, bro," I chided, while crossing my fingers behind my back.
"Your cigarettes don't lie, man," he retorted, drawing a bigger knife from behind his back. He stabbed me through what would be the heart if I were a human, and, thinking that I would die from the wound, turned and walked away.
"I guess I have to get a new hat, then. Fuck," I heard him say as I lay 'dying.'
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